9 months.

For you my love-

You have completely changed me.

My path was fuzzy and unsure,

Then you came and renewed it.

I was a mess and could not trust,

But you brought back the best of me.

I know that I would not be the same

Without someone as special as you.

Silent

I'm on a roll today.
Blabbing and typing away.
But I just want to stop.
Let my world breathe for a moment.
Step away from all of this craziness.
To not think.
About anything.
Just for a moment.
I want everything to be silent.

9/11/01

10 years ago
I was little
and didn't know
that the world would change forever.
the planes hit
and i cried
but i didn't know the devastation.
looking back
I shutter
at the thought
of someone killing all of those people.
Now i grieve
with those that lost
and will always remember that day.

Logan.

Write me a poem that's straight from the heart.
I need to hear you say those sweet words to me.
I'm not strong enough without them.
Tell me how much you want me.
Make my heart skip a beat.
Explain to me the passion.
Explain to me the love you feel.
I want to know your heart.

6 years...

ugh. it has been almost 6 years to the date. Maybe that's why I am having dreams. I'm making it sound like someone died, but in reality 6 years ago I came alive. At the age of 15, I learned how to love and be apart of something bigger than myself. Now its over, and I have mixed feelings. albeit I am in a great relationship with someone I love very much, but i don't know that it will ever be completely over my first love.

and there it is.

Saddened and Alone,
cant fight the urge to cry.
But finding the strength to stand tall
and smile.

putting my character shoes back on...

Here we go. I'm finally back in my comfort zone on stage and it doesn't feel very comfortable. I haven't been on stage in nearly 3 years, but I was fortunate enough to have made the cast of Pirates of Penzance. I have a minor role, but even the thought of singing in a chorus of other actors scares me...so I plan on making little steps. Theatre used to be my life. I was always either in a show, taking lessons, or majoring in music. But life took a wrong turn, and I threw acting and singing to the side. It was a part of my "old life" and I was looking to start over. So I moved on and started working. a lot. I was very unhappy with my life because the joy was taken away...and i did it to myself.

Well the time has come to take back what made me so happy for so long. I start rehearsal tonight and I am anxious just thinking about it. holding sheet music in my hand again...learning choreography and blocking...I just cant wait to feel that way again.

Being Friends with an ex: To Be or Not to be...

To be or not to be is the ultimate question here. Is it okay to be friends with an ex partner? and if so, how can it affect your current relationship?

I'm currently in a very loving, devoted relationship with someone that I trust. Right before me, however, he was in a 6 month relationship with someone that ended on good terms. Neither one hated the other, so they decided they could still be friends. Upon finding out about his ex girlfriend, I was a little sceptical. I had never kept in close contact with my exes, not did I wish to. So you can see how this would be hard for me to understand and appreciate. Deciding to go along with this, I explained my thoughts and concerns on the matter and we dropped the conversation.

fast forward 3 weeks. I decided that I was going to go out with some friends from work to a party. I text my boyfriend to let him know my plans. He told me to have fun, and that was that. 2 hours later, I received a text saying, "Hey...I'm going over to a friends house. Amy will be there, so I'm going to give her the Christmas present I bought for her. You are more than welcome to come with me if you'd like." Okay. I already told him that I had plans for the night. But i think what really struck me is THAT HE BOUGHT HER A CHRISTMAS PRESENT!!!! are you kidding me? This instance brought out a side of jealousy that I didn't know I had. I let him have it...he knew I wasn't happy with this, but decided to go anyway.

fast forward another week. I was going to go with some friends from work to see a coworker play with his band. Again, I let my boyfriend know where I was going and with who and he didn't seem to mind. I went out, had a good time, and was home by midnight. I was asleep by 1am, but was awoken at 4am to my phone going off. It was Logan wanting to know where I was and wasn't going to bed until he knew. He had literally called me 60 TIMES! Obviously, I hadn't answered. I had been asleep. He was worried I had gone and slept with the guy that we went to see play (I had been seeing him right before Logan).

"So I cant freak out when you hang out with your ex, but its okay for you to"

"well....i mean...i dunno..."

dhgjkbb sr th

I'm not sure what to do now. I'm stuck, and a little confused, but I want this to work out. What should I do?