2009

As the year ends, you start to think about the fond memories you may of had-spring break beach trip with your best friends, seeing your favorite musical for the first time, long summer nights driving to Chattanooga with your friend and your (ex) boyfriend. As these times flood your mind, you are also reminded of the not-so-great events that occurred over the span of 12 months-you go through 3 boyfriends who each tell you they don't have enough time for you, your dad's divorce from his second wife, a pregnancy scare. Even through the bad times though, you seem to have a good outlook on the new year. This is it. I can do whatever I want in 2010. I already have plans to see my favorite musical again, I am moving and going to a new school. I am getting more training in my job. Good things are ahead of me...I just need to forgive and forget the past and move forward.

crossroads.

i feel like i have been punched in the stomach.
in this state of limbo,
i feel alone.
dizzy.
scared.
He is still there,
but i cant hear his voice.
no response.
He loves me,
He loves me not.
why cant he just give me a straight answer?
I want to know which way to go.

apology.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that i have no filter.
for saying things that i knew would sting.
for wanting you to hurt just a little so you would know how i feel.
for being so insensitive to your feelings.

I'm sorry for being overbearing.
for not realizing that you ARE trying.
for pushing and pushing and pushing.
for all that i have put you though.

thinking bout stuff...

3 hours of sleep is never a good thing.
I get to see Mary and John after work for a late lunch!
I have a short shift today at work.
i miss Shane.
but God willing, i will see him in 2 days.
i wish i could make Liz smile. she needs it right now.
this cold has been going on for like 2 weeks....I'm soo over it!
i am becoming addicted to blistex and collegehumor.com
i miss October.
This holiday season hasn't felt very Christmasy.

36 minutes

i talked to you today,
for 36 minutes.
i finally heard your voice.
you called me up to say,
"i love you still, dont worry.
yesterday, felt like i had no choice."

As you spoke with me,
I trembled.
I missed you so much.
tears ran down my cheek,
oh, how i only wanted your touch

36 minutes came and gone.
but i still remember every word.

9/25/09

my head falls from your shoulder to your lap,
from lack of energy.
I grab your hand and hold on-
im brave right now.
im finally happy again.

i see you. im happy. i leave again. im sad.
this pattern continues.....

just a few more months til forever.