Holiday Blues

Sometimes i just miss him. The way he said my name and stroked my messy hair. it may seem like I should be over him by now, but the pure innoscence of his love is missing from my world, and I dont know if i can handle not seeing his face everyday. Some people say they can just keep moving on, even if they know they just lost the only one their heart can love so deeply. Me on the other hand, im not so sure. Christmas is nearing, our favorite holiday, and I am feeling the loneliness in my stomach. Kind of like a fish out of water, i am not sure how to get through the season without him. We were supposed to be planning a wedding together. Planning the rest of our lives together. But now all I can plan is what i am going to eat for dinner. I feel a bit lost, i must say, and not sure how this winter is going to span out. But I do know this-it will be rather hard not to think about him. I love him and always will.

Happy..

Where to even begin?? I am in the best mood that I have been in in awhile. Things are evening out and hope has walked back into my life by the name of Josh. (oh how I hope he doesnt read my blog...) We met in our English class as writing partners. After we met, I added him on facebook, and we have been talking ever since. The talking started on facebook, but has migrated to texting back and forth. We started talking last Monday, and we talk non stop everyday. I am so glad to know a guy that isnt a creeper....

But today he asked me to eat lunch with him. Which is AWESOME!! So we ate and had the best conversations. We talked about books and writing and our families. It was just so refreshing to have someone to talk to about the things I love. He is a genuinely nice and wonderful guy, and I really hope this goes somewhere. i will keep you posted on where this leads.

AHHHH!!!!!

ok. im good. just needed to let that out.

Peace!
Kayla

Feeling Again

Remember that day?
The day our world fell apart.
Maybe if I could control everything,
the world wouldnt have become
the mess that it is.
Run, run, run.
Escape from the madness!
Escape from what could be.
Escape from the guilt and stress
and heartache and pain.
Please let me be.

I once knew you

Staring at a stranger
from across the room.
Stomach is a mess-
one day this will pass.
He looks like the one I once knew,
but knows how to change over night.
Moving on is never easy.
But you my "friend",
make it impossible.

Andy...

Maybe if I close my eyes tight enough-
you will become a fictional character
in the book of my life.
Maybe if I run far enough-
you will disappear.
But you keep chasing me.
In my thoughts and dreams.
My heart wants to embrase you,
But my mind tells me otherwise.
I gave you a part of me that I will never get back.
Something my future husband will never recieve.
I blame you for the suffering-
You wore me down.